crazy Christmas

I love my family, but like most of the world I tend to think mine's a little crazy. We all tend to like each other more the fewer of us are together at once. Like no one really fights if it's just five of us or so in a room. You add anymore than that and all bets are off. I've always been the quiet one. I generally settle in on the couch, zone out, and wait for my parents to be ready to leave.

This is the first year I can remember since I was a kid that we had five plus people in a room and there wasn't a fight. However, there were a few choice quotes that I must share.

Grandpa, "You're busier than a cat covering shit!"

Grandpa when offered a Christmas gift, "Don't poke shit at me! I just won't open it!"

Grandpa to my cousin, "You only learned to cook so you could feed your baby momma!"

(Grandpa was on a roll...)

Dad, "Get in here Kay. We want to hear gossip. Rule is we talk about anybody and everybody that ain't here. Always have!"

My uncle, "Best time to take acid is in a snow storm."

His wife while opening a present, "Awww, but if I open it I'll rip the penguin's head off." She actually seemed really, truly sad about it too.

My aunt got me a fondue pot for Christmas. As I was leaving she slapped my ass and said, "I hope you like it. It's good for teenagers. Those are great for two. You. A guy. Chocolate."
(I'm not a teenager by the way. I'm 28 years old. I'm not even going to begin to comment on her comment either. Scary...)


My family doesn't drink at all. So I have no real excuse for any of these quotes.