candid camera

I talked guilted a friend and co-worker into posing for portraits for me. I warned him in advance that the creeper force is strong with me. He sort of shrugged it off saying people are less likely to bug you in groups. I knew better, but I didn't argue. I figured I'd have proof on my side soon enough!

We met in the River Market, because there's tons of backdrops, and it's close to his apartment. I text saying I was at a coffee shop waiting. I realized the place was closed after I sent the text. So I sat there for a few minutes hoping I wouldn't be kicked out.

When Raney walked in he said hello from across the room. I smiled and said hello back. Mostly happy he got there before I was asked to leave. We talked for a second, then stood to leave. The man that was mopping the floor walked up to us and asked Raney if we were related. Raney said no. The guy said, "Okay then. I should tell you that girl's face lit up when you walked in!" Raney laughed and thanked him for the information, and I knocked over a wet floor sign in my embarrassment. (For the record this is not the first time a creeper has told some guy I liked him! I'm so tired of cupid-creepers!) Creeper #1

Most of the shoot was pretty uneventful. We both got cold and headed back indoors. The plan was to do some shots near that coffee shop. The guy from before was still there, so I ended up giggling and walked off. We headed to the other end of the market. Raney took a seat, and I prepared to snap a few shots.

A stranger says to Raney, "Nice to see you again!" It was clear Raney hadn't seen the man before so the "again" was unwarranted. The guy rambled something about celebrity, walk, glass elevator. It was mostly gibberish. I fired a few shots while shaking with the giggles. Then I walked off. Creeper #2

We moved a few tables down, and I took a few more pictures. Finally stopping to tease Raney about Creeper #2. I then pointed out creepers never happen in even numbers, so I was pretty sure there would be at least one more encounter. Just as I said this I turned and made eye contact with a guy headed right for us.

This guy walked up to Raney and asked for an autograph. It totally makes sense because I am a pretty important photographer, so anyone I'm shooting must be famous. Raney laughed and signed the paper. Creeper #3

Trifecta complete!

All in all it was a good day. It was cold, but I got enough shots and stories to make my day.

Here's shots from the day:

playing with fire

As I type this, I'm sitting here still red-faced from completely embarrassing myself. I might have had dozens of fires in my fireplace, but I apparently still don't know what I'm doing.

As smoke was billowing out of the fireplace I realized I was in trouble. I set off the alarm which is tied to my home security system. I couldn't shut it off, so the alarm system was dispatched. I never changed my home number, so when they couldn't reach me they called the fire department. Then they called my cell phone to kindly let me know the fire department was on it's way! Oh crap! I thought I'd have to explain it to the alarm people but not the fire department!

I tried to tell them to cancel it, but it was too late. I realized this fact, because I could hear the fire trucks coming up the interstate towards my home. I still had a few minutes to bite my nails and wait for them to pull up. I rushed outside and tried to get them to leave, but they wanted to search my entire home for smoke. They even used some heat-sensing cameras to make sure nothing was hot.

I used too many logs and such. Meh. At least I know the response time for the fire department now (it was under ten minutes.)

crazy Christmas

I love my family, but like most of the world I tend to think mine's a little crazy. We all tend to like each other more the fewer of us are together at once. Like no one really fights if it's just five of us or so in a room. You add anymore than that and all bets are off. I've always been the quiet one. I generally settle in on the couch, zone out, and wait for my parents to be ready to leave.

This is the first year I can remember since I was a kid that we had five plus people in a room and there wasn't a fight. However, there were a few choice quotes that I must share.

Grandpa, "You're busier than a cat covering shit!"

Grandpa when offered a Christmas gift, "Don't poke shit at me! I just won't open it!"

Grandpa to my cousin, "You only learned to cook so you could feed your baby momma!"

(Grandpa was on a roll...)

Dad, "Get in here Kay. We want to hear gossip. Rule is we talk about anybody and everybody that ain't here. Always have!"

My uncle, "Best time to take acid is in a snow storm."

His wife while opening a present, "Awww, but if I open it I'll rip the penguin's head off." She actually seemed really, truly sad about it too.

My aunt got me a fondue pot for Christmas. As I was leaving she slapped my ass and said, "I hope you like it. It's good for teenagers. Those are great for two. You. A guy. Chocolate."
(I'm not a teenager by the way. I'm 28 years old. I'm not even going to begin to comment on her comment either. Scary...)


My family doesn't drink at all. So I have no real excuse for any of these quotes.

playing dress-up with a doctor

Well I had my dentist appointment the other day. Visits to any sort of doctor always manage to yield some sort of interesting story. It’s almost worth the co-pay. My dental hygienist is the overly attentive type. I like her though.

Well about five minutes into my teeth cleaning I rubbed my eyes. She started apologizing right away and asked if she got something in my eye. I explained that no she hadn’t - I just have dry eyes. Then I mentioned sort of matter-of-factly that I had had an eye abrasion a few weeks before that. (An eye abrasion is where bits of your eye peel off. It’s actually really painful.) I only brought it up to tell her that no my eyes were just bugging me, but it wasn’t her.

Well she freaked out and pulls out some goggles. They looked like welder's goggles. She insisted that I put them on. I tried to say I trusted her not to get anything in my eye, it was more than alright. She kept insisting saying she was worried the bright lights would hurt my eyes. I finally caved and put on the glasses just to stop her from making a fuss.

The rest of the cleaning passed pretty uneventfully. Then my dentist comes in and sort of laughs and says I have some nice glasses. He looks over to the hygienist and causally adds they look a lot like his wielding glasses. She tells him that they are without offering any sort of explanation. It’s at this point I remove the goggles and sit rather red-faced. I felt like a little kid caught playing dress-up with my friend’s parents’ clothes or something. This is how you go from being a creeper magnet to being the creeper.

laughing gas loony

It's that time of year. I have a teeth cleaning coming up. I still go to my childhood dentist that is a 30-minute drive from here because I picked a local guy and he ended up being crazy! My very first appointment with the guy he wouldn’t speak directly to me. He would talk to the dental hygienist who would then talk to me, even though we were all three in the same room.

The main reason I went to this guy was I heard he gives you a lot of drugs for surgery. I like drugs. Errm, I mean, I like drugs that are legally prescribed to me and taken for a legitimate medical purpose. I needed my wisdom teeth out, and I’m such a freakin’ baby I knew I’d need a massive amount of pills. During the exam before having my wisdom teeth out the dentist asks, “So do you feel any pressure?” Sure this was probably related to my teeth, but it came out of left field so I said, “Errm, pressure like how?” He leans over me with his hands around his face like claws and says, “Pressure like 'GRRRRRRRR!'” Yes, the dentist growled at me like a bear. When your dentist growls at you, you basically have to grin and bear it. After this I still let him extract my wisdom teeth. So wacko the tooth man yanks out one of my wisdom teeth holds it up over me and says, “It’s a boy!” It is lucky part of his arsenal of pills included Valium. Even in a Valium fog I’m thinking, “Oh crap. This dude is crazy.”

There was a few more crazy stories that followed, and I stopped visiting that dentist. I guess I like my childhood dentist whose weirdness habit is his fondness for redhead jokes.

oscar gets prozac

I stayed at work a few minutes late yesterday. This meant I missed the rush to the parking lot. When I left it was cold and dark. I was walking through an empty parking lot and noticed the janitor pushing a rather large can of trash to the dumpster while laughing his head off. Something about seeing someone in a windy, empty parking lot in the middle of the night laughing is a bit odd. I can't explain it.

let's go krogering

I was at Kroger the other day buying some last minute things for a party I was attending the next day. I was in a hurry and not paying attention to much around me until the cashier pointed out a purse snatching mid-snatch.

The best part of the whole thing was that the snatchee caught up with the snatcher and started hitting him until he relented and gave her the purse back.

This is about the time the cashier started screaming, "Ladies hold on to your purse! Hold on to your purse!" She looked at me and laughed adding, "I'm just saying - hold on to your purse!" I stood with the cashier for a little while laughing at the scene that was quickly escalating. The snatchee was busy talking to the manager trying to get him to search the would-be perp.

I finally figured the whole thing had played out as much as it was going to and decided to leave. I walked past head-down and grinning ear-to-ear. I wonder if they finally searched the guy?

markham street prophet

I went on a first date not long ago. It wasn't as awkward as much first dates, because I had known the guy for a while. We settled in at the bar for fun night of drinking and sports. After a few minutes we realized the bar was a mecca for the weird.

There was one guy that was jumping from table to table hitting on girls there with their boyfriends and generally acting like he owned the place. There were random couples - from trendy to sleazy. There was even a band that would drop random, awkward sexual innuendo into their act. Towards the end of the night a lady even treated the bar by lively playing the spoons.

We noticed an elderly guy sitting alone. He was probably close to 80 - balding, age spots, and drunk off his ass. He was making conversation with two girls in their early 20s. I watched him for a while and finally saw him stand up and stumble in my direction. He came up to us and put one arm around me and one arm around my date.

"Can I tell you guys something?" he slurred.

We looked at each other then to him expectately, "Sure..."

He whispered in my ear, "You two are the most in love couple I've ever seen."

I had just enough time to think to myself, "Oh my GOD, don't repeat that!" before my date asked, "What?"

So he whispered in his ear, "You two are the most in love couple I've ever seen." He then looked back and smiled at me.

I stammered, "Thanks..."

He nodded, removed himself from the group hug, stumbled out of the bar, and was never seen again.

This moment didn't ruin the date. We actually both attract crazy people and are rather used to this sort of thing. I was laughing so hard I was crying.

moved

Yes, folks, the photo portion of this blog has moved! Please update links and where you follow me - if still interested.

http://winrichphotos.blogspot.com/

The latest plan for this current blog is to share random creeper moments I'm part of or witness. I got uncomfortable posting so much personal stuff about myself, so hopefully I'll be able to find a way to share the funny but keep myself mostly out of it.